How Far Can I Be Thrown Before I Break? Chapter Zero
by Cseboss
Summary: (Spoilers) Allen is trapped. Will he ever leave? Does he even want to leave?


**Hey! This is a prologue, or "Chapter Zero" as I like to call it for my story, How Far Can I Be Thrown Before I Break. So it's related to that but honestly... I think this can probably be read as a stand-alone or oneshot but eh, do what you want. Anyway, I don't own anything but the plot, and I hope you enjoy the story!**

I squeezed my legs to my chest in agony, trying to block out the searing heat permeating my entire being. Blood ran down from my eyes, staining my paper-white skin dark red. As I buried my bloodstained face into my knees, I could hear the crashing debris falling from the burning world around me. Everything was being demolished as Neah finally took full control over my body.

"Finally… huh…" I muttered; voice strained from the numbing pain.

Maybe now I would get some relief; some… peace. Maybe I should have died a long time ago.

I felt oddly calm about the whole scenario. After what I'd seen, and after what I'd experienced… this was a strangely serene fate. I'd never thought about it before but, really; for what or for whom do I need to live for? It's not like I would be wanted anywhere, considering everything that's happened. My life was doomed to end alone the second Neah was implanted into my body. Then again, I wasn't going to live for too much longer without Neah anyway… probably.

I wiped the red tears away from my eyes and looked around; the pain starting to ebb into a dull buzzing. Everything was burnt, the ground was falling apart; I reached out with my right hand and grabbed at some of the dead grass, watching it crumble out of my white hand.

I laid myself against the cold, crusty ground. I wonder how long I'll suffer for. Will it be minutes? Days? Months? Years? I'm hoping soon. I don't want to suffer any longer. I want to die.

Tears slipped out from my eyes. That's right… I want to die. I don't want to live anymore. There's no reason for me to live anymore. I have no one. I have nothing. I want to die. I brought my arms up to my face, covering it. I want to die! I want to die, I want to die I WANT TO DIE GODAMMIT.

I choked in my sorrow. Why am I not dead yet? What's keeping me here? What lingering attachments are there? I have no one left! There's nothing for me here! So why am I not dead yet!?

"Oh Allen…" A voice sighed, their hand trying to gently coax my arms away from my face.

I peeked in between them, hoping it wasn't who I thought it was, then quickly squeezed my eyes shut when it was.

'No! Get out!' I silently screamed, 'I don't want you here! I don't want to be saved!'

"Allen…" The girl repeated, sitting on her knees behind me and lovingly grabbing and placing my head on her lap. "Allen… Please. Show me your face."

I shook my head stubbornly. Hugging my face tighter.

"Allen please… I can get you out of here! Don't you want to leave?"

I was motionless and silent. No. I didn't want to leave. I want to die.

"Oh…" Her voice shook. "Allen. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. Neah was making it hard for me to find him and… I just… Oh Allen! Please! Please live! Please! I'm begging you! I can't save you if you don't want to be saved!"

She forced my arms away from my face and bent down to bury her own into my neck; her despair washing away the blood where it touched.

I closed my eyes. I felt nothing from this. I felt no remorse or sadness… I felt no shame for making a girl who loved me cry.

SLAP!

I gasped at the stab of pain that spread across my blood soaked cheek.

"Tyki!" Road whined, standing up to put her hands on her petite hips.

"What! He was looking like he was in a trance. And besides; no gentleman should ever make a lady cry." Tyki stated with a smirk, flexing the hand that connected with my face just a second ago.

I sat up, holding onto my pinkish cheek in a daze. "Tyki…?" I asked weakly.

Road swiftly hugged me tightly. "Allen. We're here to get you out of here! Will you agree to come with us?"

I stared at her. I still wanted to die. That hadn't changed. But…

I took a deep breath. My pride as a man wouldn't allow me to deny someone who obviously cares for me this much.

"Yeah. Take me out of here."

She pulled away, her eyes glittering with happiness. "Then let's separate the two of you!"

Tyki chimed back into the conversation, "You still haven't explained how exactly we do that."

Road snapped her darkened fingers, changing the landscape to her signature black and red checkerboard.

"My 'dreams' entail that I pull my target's consciousness away from their body, and into here, where I can manipulate it however I wish." She paused to take an excited breath, then stood up and held out a hand for me, to which I took and stood up on shaky legs.

"So, I've taken Allen's consciousness from his body, and now I that Allen is here, I can safely take Neah's consciousness from Allen's body, and replace it back with Allen. "

"So I was only needed for my 'choose' ability then." Tyki sighed, running a hand through his curly black hair.

"U-um!" I cleared my dry throat, " What about Neah? Where will he go?"

Road smiled and kissed me softly, pulling back to only put a single finger over her lips.

She floated backwards, smiling devilishly. "Well. I'll be off to get Neah. Have fun you two~!" With that she disappeared, leaving me and Tyki alone in this fittingly themed room.

I sat down abruptly, finding it quite hard to keep standing for the moment. My left arm ached and my entire body felt sore, as if I had just ran a marathon and did 100 sit ups simultaneously.

"Does it hurt Shounen?" Tyki said with a sadistic smirk.

I glared at him silently, daring him to make another comment.

He chuckled. "In all truth… I'm probably as happy as Road to see you somewhat back to normal."

I cocked an eyebrow in question.

"Don't you question me shounen. You know you like me too."

I sighed, falling back to lay down on the floor, hardly having the strength or mentality to retort. I stared up at the infinite black ceiling, trying to ignore the sound of Tyki shuffling a deck of cards near me.

"Let's play a round Allen. To get your mind off of things. No cheating, on either of our sides. Just a fair game, okay?"

I sat up and faced him. "Fine." I said softly, grabbing at the hand he set out for me.

We were at the end of our sixth round when Road came back with Neah. I only needed a Queen, and from what I could guess, Tyki was waiting on one more card as well.

I placed the card I didn't want down and picked a new one off the top of the pile. Queen of Hearts. I put it into my hand, and just as I was about to say "Call", Road appeared near us with a tempered Neah in tow.

"Let go of me Road!"

"No! Besides! Even if I let go of you now you'd still be trapped here!"

I shook my head with a tired sigh. "Call." I placed my hand down. "Royal Flush."

Tyki threw his cards down in frustration as the two Noah continued to bicker in the background. "You're even winning when neither of us are cheating! Five out of six shounen! How are you that lucky?!"

I shrugged, taking his hand and mine to then shuffle back into the main deck, along with the discard pile.

Tyki handed me an elastic band and turned towards his arguing family members, "Would you two quit it? Shounen and I were having lovely game until you showed up."

Road sneered, "Which you lost five out of six times."

Neah mirrored her, "I must say I'm impressed one can lose so many times in a row without any cheating going on."

I sighed and stood up shakily, the pain and fatigue still circulating throughout my body. "If you're done fighting, I'd like to leave now."

"Oh! Hi Allen! I thought you'd be dead by now," Neah exclaimed, smiling innocently at his niece, "But I hate to break it to you, I don't know why we're here, but Road definitely isn't going to let us-"

"A one way pass back into your body coming right up Ally!" Road clasped her hands together, comically cutting of my foster uncle.

"Woah wait! ALLEN YOU TRAITOR! " Fake tears ran down Neah's face, "I thought we were allies…"

I turned away in silence.

Tyki chuckled, "Better let him back into him body Road."

She floated over and kissed me on the cheek, "Bye Allen! See you on the other side!"

I smiled softly at her, faking a genuine one. "Thanks."

"Moyashi! Moyashi Wake the fuck up!" Someone shouted, shaking me roughly.

"Oh god. He's not waking up. All this blood… what if he's dead?" A shaky voice inquired.

"Nah. He ain't dead. Comatose more like. Though it seriously looks like he was crying blood or something."

"Please take this seriously!"

"Shut up you two. I think he's waking up."

I groaned in response grasping at the hands holding my shoulders to try and push them off.

"Oh ho ho! Even in death Ally still hates you Yuu-chan!"

The hands let go of me and I heard a sword unsheathing.

"Please take this more seriously you two!" A petite hand grasped mine, "Can you hear me Allen?"

I opened my eyes slowly to stare at the sight before me.

I nearly choked in laughter at what awaited me. Kanda looked to be about to slice Lavi's head off, while said baka usagi held his hands up in an 'I surrender' motion. Lenalee was leaning over the bed, grasping my fragile hand tightly.

Tears flooded her eyes, "Allen…" She broke out into a sob and buried her head into my chest.

Lavi's voice trembled when he spoke, "You're really… " Then he too fell to his knees at my bedside and buried his face into my chest, getting my blood soaked shirt sobbing wet with tears.

Kanda sheathed Mugen, walking over to sit in a nearby chair with a huff.

I bit my lip to keep my own tears from coming, and closed my eyes. What happened? How did they find me? But most importantly… why are they crying over my chest right now? Unwanted tears began to flood down my cheeks. I don't understand why they're being so… so… upset over my condition.

"Oh!" Lenalee's head shot up with a sniff, "You're probably confused, aren't you?" She stood up, taking a deep breath to try and calm down.

She cleared her throat, "Road lead us to you. She also explained what she did and… and what she did to the fourteenth."

I perked up at that. That's what Road evaded before!

Lavi stood up himself, grabbing a tissue from the nightstand to blow his nose, "How much do you know…?"

I was silent. It all hit me with the force of a train. The pain; The misery; The betrayal, the anguish. I brought the bed covers up over my head. I felt sick. I couldn't even stand to look at them. My stomach felt like it was trying to climb out of my body.

"Allen..?" Lavi muttered in fear.

"Allen are you okay?" Lenalee asked, panicked.

I didn't respond. I wouldn't respond. How could I respond to people I didn't trust?

I could hear Kanda stand up. "Oi Moyashi! Answer them!"

I was tempted to retort the same way I would normally, but I held my tongue in favor of my previous ideas.

There was a soft knock on the door. "Allen's awake, is he not?" A familiar voice asked.

Lenalee's voice shook as she answered, "Yes but… I think… I t-think something's really wrong."

At this point I blocked the noise out. I didn't want to hear it. I wished listlessly again for what I nearly achieved back in that limbo. Death. Again, I wanted to die rather than face these people. These people who I couldn't trust. I didn't want to face a world I could no longer trust.

The sheets were torn off my body to reveal a worried Road. "They're gone. I had them leave the room."

I grabbed a pillow and crushed it into my tear soaked face.

"Oh Allen… I really should've tried harder to save you sooner. So you wouldn't have had to see any of that. So you could've just stayed your beautiful innocent self. "

I shook my head in disagreement. Although what I saw made me hate myself for ever trusting anyone, I wouldn't have ever wanted to not see it.

Road softly took the pillow from my face and replaced it with a damp cloth. "Wash your face of blood. And… Allen. I know what you're thinking. You want to die. You want to leave this world behind. And I don't blame you. This world is a horrible place, with plenty of horrible people populating it. But please Allen, keep walking, find a reason to live. Find something or someone that you love. For my sake, and yours."

My chest ached and fresh tears fell down my face as I wiped it clean of blood. My blood. My hands shook as I handed the cloth to her and sat up, giving her a kiss on the forehead in thanks.

"Road?"

She seemed startled, "Y-yes Allen?"

"I'll live. But I won't speak. Not until I find that reasoning. "

The Noah smiled sadly, "I'll wait for that day. I'll wait until you're ready to speak to me again, and we'll go on a date. No titles. Just as friends."

I smiled softly at her. Genuine this time. "I'll wait for that day too."


End file.
